If only can be defined as something we wanted but did not get. It is often used as a form of regret. If only I went to law school. If only I bought that bigger house. There will be plenty of if only in our lifetime, but how about, ”I was able.” I was able to obtain my bachelor’s. I was able to finish my master’s degree. I was able to move to San Antonio, Texas with my family. With a clear and open mind, all of the what-ifs can be transformed into ”I was able.” This is true because God is the great I am. If I were to ask God how will I make it through this challenging environment, his response would be I am. When I ask who will help me complete this book, his response will be a mountain-moving, earth-shaking I am. God’s Grace and Love are my constant reminder that I do not have to live life according to the “if only.” I have a greater and more fulfilling life with “I am able.”
We all have a set of go-to tools that we use to help make sense of new or complex ideas. These tools fit comfortably in ones toolbox. One tool within my toolbox that I feel like I underutilize is the Johari Window.
The point is this tool is focused on you. No finger-pointing. 100% self-discovery. The way I view this model is, the more both you and others know about you, the more self-aware you become.
The four boxes represent the things that both you and others know about yourself, the things that you do not know, but others know about yourself, the things that only you know about yourself, and the things that neither you nor anyone else knows about yourself.
I am not suggesting that individuals need to be 100% transparent, but from experience, transparency does not hurt. It may feel uncomfortable or awkward to open yourself up to solicit feedback from others, but the more you know, the more opportunity there is for growth.
In practice, the Johari window is an interactive tool that one may use to self identify and share with others what they know about themselves. As soon as you voice your habits or quirks with others, they no longer belong in the category of what others do not know about you. In fact when individuals share what they see in you, what is shared can no longer fit within what others know but you do not know about yourself.
The most significant goal of the Johari window is to enlarge the arena or the space that details what both you and others know about you.
My window may become blocked or even dirty at times, but I seek feedback to help me identify what I can not see. I will make today count. Will you help me keep my window clean?
Earlier this week, I watched a video from Tyler Perry, and one of his key points was that in life, you would get to a point where you will want to either call it quits or delay your progress because of some unknown fear. His statement, “climb and maintain,” really hit me because that is what I have aspired to do my whole life. I can not recall a moment where I was extended a handout or a free ride. I was taught how to work hard, how to figure things out, and how to show up every day. And I mean every day, including holidays. I am grateful for the lessons I was taught, the challenges I had to overcome, and the victories that made it all worth it. There are two things that I attribute my upbringing to. First, the strength of God, walk by faith and not by sight, and second my parent’s role in shaping me to be a responsible adult. I know that I was not the model child, but who is. What I do see is that I made my formative years my own. I climbed and maintained.
All this to say, Happy Birthday, Dad. Thank you for teaching me how to work hard, how to show up, and how to conquer every goal. I am on my way to take mom and your vision and take it to the next level—billionaire status within the next decade.
I must remember that everyone will not share my ambition. One day I began the morning by asking one of my colleagues would he ever write a book. I did so because he and I both share an interest in reading. He said he never really thought about writing a book, but he believes it would be cool to do so. He then asked me if I would write a book. I calmly explained that I will write multiple books. I could not contain my excitement as I began to rattle off the types and subjects of the books that I have outlined.
His first response to me was, “what makes you an expert in those fields?”
Although I have expertise and mastery in the subjects, I took his question as a chance to reflect.
I explained that writing the books will involve exhausted literature review and interviews to study each topic. The point of my books will not be to flaunt expertise; the purpose is to expand the current literature with a narrative that can only be shared by my lived experience and the individuals who allow me to gain access to their unique journeys.
I am grateful for the conversation I had with my colleague because it allowed me to clarify my purpose. I am also slightly encouraged to produce more content to reach my goals sooner. I will accomplish all great things through Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and Savior.
In his book, The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren states that there are three biblical life analogies.
Life is a test; life is a trust, and life is temporary. I believe that this applies to leadership.
Leadership is a test.
No one leader has all the answers; however, we are tasked with solving complex problems, sometimes with limited resources to do so. The job is ongoing. As a leader, there may be a day when the issue is resolved, or the work is complete but more likely than not, another problem will soon present itself.
Leadership is a trust.
Leaders do not work in a vacuum. Every action, every decision, and every comment may be used to evaluate your effectiveness as a leader.
Leadership is temporary.
While there may be organizations with low turnover, no one is guaranteed the role of leader for life. Leaders come and go. The best leaders will leave a lasting impression within the organization and the hearts of those they serve.
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”
The linked video may depict a skewed or biased opinion of therapists in general. This writer believes that therapists are genuinely amazing individuals that undertake years of training to understand and treat mental health disorders. This video was selected to highlight the use of shock value and its importance in today’s society.
Did you notice how the individual seeking treatment reacted to the doctor’s claim that the session would only last five minutes? She responds, “That sounds great. Too good to be true as a matter of fact”. One of my mentors introduced this video to me as an optional ice breaker for a leadership training session. I immediately fell in love with the simplicity of the sketch.
Here we have two actors, one portraying an individual seeking help to overcome her biggest fear, and the other, portraying a confident doctor that will ensure that the session lasts no more than five minutes.
Often people utilize a shocking statement to engage their audience quickly. The shock value, in a sense, helps the audience or the receiver of the message to suspend belief or their personal bias. In the video above, the individual seeking treatment introduced herself and then asked if she should lay down on the sofa. Here, her belief is based on assumptions that individuals seeking therapy must utilize the nice couch in the office. The doctor explains, “we don’t do that anymore.” But this is not a shocking statement. Even the doctor informing the individual that the session will be completed in five minutes, or else the remainder of the time will be free, is not the shocking statement.
After listening to the individual explain her biggest fear, the doctor tells her he is ready to begin treatment.
He leans forward and yells, “Stop It!”.
This is the shock value. At that point, the course of the conversation changes. The doctor has determined that the individual may overcome her biggest fear by not thinking about her anxiety. The shock value successfully turned this individual’s attention from her ideas of what therapy would be and focused on what the doctor is telling her.
We may not all agree with what someone tells us, but the use of a shocking statement has its clear benefits. The presenter has the audience’s full attention after the statement is made.
Not all shock statements hit the mark, but I believe the video above captures the essence of the power of the shock. Individuals often miss the opportunity to take full advantage of the shock value. As I examine the tools I have in my toolbox; I will strive to make count today.
I consider myself a people person. There’s no one that I cannot talk to. Regardless of their age, sex, nationality, or any other unique identifier, I’ve always been able to converse with anyone who is within my bubble. Before taking the strength finder assessment, I described this ability as a byproduct of being an extrovert. Post strength finder, I am aware that I have a top talent titled, “Relator.” Gallup defines realtors as those “who are especially talented in the Relator theme [and] enjoy close relationships with others.” Realtors are people who “find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve goals.” This resonated with me upon the first read.
I believe that I’m at my best when I’m around individuals who want to make the best of their circumstances. I am aware that we all have bad days, however, I attempt to make every day count. This doesn’t mean that I’m always happy, however, I have a firm belief that the most growth comes from the most trying situations. During my undergrad, I recall my first bad grade. I wasn’t surprised to see the ”D” on my official transcript; in fact, I expected it. What made this tolerable was the fact that during the whole quarter, I was surrounded by a group of peers who also had a hard time grasping the subject. I recall visiting the professor during his office hours and asking why he decided to make the tests so hard. I also remember talking to my academic counselor and presenting her with hypothetical cases, just in case I failed the course. I most vividly remember all of the study groups trying to keep my head above the water so that I was able to at least pass the class. Although my fear almost became a reality, I was informed that most people failed the course in question and I learned that my GPA was high enough that my first and only D did not negatively impact my final overall undergrad GPA.
I love my relator talent and use this to connect with people to ease my worries. I could have asked to drop the course and start over to try to make a better grade, but I didn’t. Instead, I used the relationships within the university to make the prospects of a lousy grade easier to handle. In the end, that one D has never hindered my personal or professional growth. I continue to fully embrace the power of making the day count. Today I will attempt to relate to as many people as possible.
As a Gallup strength coach, I regularly help individuals take their top talents and transform them into powerful strengths. It’s incredible to witness the transformation from self-doubt and uncertainty to empowerment, ownership, and real clarity. These conversations always focus on the individual and I’ve found deep satisfaction in uncovering how top talents present differently from one person to the next.
My top talent is titled ”maximizer.” Whenever I tell people this they tend to reply, ”that’s not a word.” According to Gallup, however, ”People exceptionally talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence. They seek to transform something strong into something superb.”
I’ve learned how to harness the power of the maximizer theme to help individuals understand how their talents can help them achieve their professional and personal goals.
My personal mission is to add value to organizations and people by acknowledging untapped organizational and human potential that can increase value at all levels.
That is what I call the power of the maximizer!
As a maximizer, I will continue to make today count.
As I grow and develop my leadership style, I reflect on the words of Max Lucado when he emphasized that people often attempt to follow and mirror others to shape their own lives. I believe there have been vital individuals in my development who have positively shaped my heart, values, and leadership ideologies. However, in my mission to add value and assist individuals in transforming their top talents to strengths, I must acknowledge that God already provided us with the perfect role model for personal, and professional success. JESUS.
As I continue to gain awareness, I will focus my attention on helping and inspiring individuals to achieve their goals. I know that this inspiration will be attributed to the road map the Lord has placed upon my heart.
Credit: James D. Washington
“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”
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James D. Washington 